The Small "i"

The Small "i"

All problems, confusions, conflicts, battles, cyclical cycles start with the creation of an "i", an identification...i am this, i am that, i am...once created it becomes a deity that has its own life outside of I...All the conflicting "i"s that battle with each other, with other "i" of other beings...false selves that are only a shadow, a distortion, a thought, a belief...a dillusion....of a false self given life by a distortion....

i am XYZ....the start of a whole reality of distortions, falsities, that has no substance....shadows interacting with shadows....where have I gone? 

Called to Truth

I am being called to Truth, to be Real and True with myself and with the Universe! No more distortions!

My dislike of humanity came up, my judgments, my resentment...my pushing away and withdrawing from humanity...in dislike of their egos....in fear....

I faced judgment, misunderstanding, disconnection, projection and ego games yesterday at a brunch with people I had joyfully summoned up. I faced a lot of fixed beliefs and judgments, pov's that made me contract, withdraw, start to judge them, feeling superior...I realized a hidden part of me doesn't like humans at all! That part sees humans as backwards, ego-driven, stupid, mean creatures that will attack you and misunderstand you at will. I felt deep sadness, disconnection from, grief from the species I partly belong.

Why do I make their judgmental behavior, their misunderstanding or not being able to understand a source of power that makes me withdraw and go into judgment as well? Why can't I BE WHO I AM regardless they choose to appear in my reality, on my screen of life? Why do I give them so much power to control me, my Being, my radiance and vibrancy? Why can't I shine like the Sun regardless who stands in front of me? They can go away and be in shadow or put a sun hat on if they don't like the Sun now, can't they?

I have a strong dislike of ego-driven conversations, arguing on a ego/mental level, people forcing their dominant opinions on me or disrespecting my sharing of my pov's or perceptions, or my Heart! Why go there and share things with people who don't understand even what I am talking about?

The Universe, my Spirit is telling me....the Divine Intelligence is telling me...that I haven't come here to be loved, accepted or understood! I haven't come here to belong...I have come here to BE WHO I AM regardless what others do...and let them be what they choose to be...what they can be...while they are doing their utmost to awaken...The Divine Intelligence is telling me that I don't need to change who I am in front of egos and judgmental, adverse behaviorism of other people, or do so much credit to those. My Divine Intelligence is telling me that I came here to light up the world for those who would listen/see. I haven't come here to be understood, accepted, loved....My Divine Intelligence is telling me...The whole Universe is honoring me, Loving me deeply, gifting me infinitely....that the ego behaviorism of humanity doesn't matter at all! That I can BE WHO I AM and at home in this reality, on this planet, in a body....and sing and dance through it all...That I can drop the need to be received....when the whole Universe is receiving me!

So, show me, Divine Intelligence, show me that you receive me! Show me that I CAN BE WHO I AM REGARDLESS how or who others are in my presence without any resistance, with total Ease and Grace...with Simplicity...That nothing and nobody has the power to change or affect that....That if I don't judge people and don't withdraw, if I let them be who they want to be I AM FREE TO BE WHO I AM!

Divine Intelligence, do I have then to go and be with them?
I can be with anybody...at any time....Let the Universe show....bring it to you...

Father, Mother God, Divine Intelligence, my Higher Levels, Creator Levels, show me! Show me how I can be without judgment towards humans? How I can BE WHO I AM constantly without changing it facing other people's behaviorism? HOW CAN I BE MYSELF AT ALL TIME with EASE, SIMPLICITY AND JOY???? SHOW ME! SHOW ME! LET ME EXPERIENCE IT! SHOW ME! Shift my positioning towards humans, this hiding, this withdrawing because of the behaviorism of people? Show me that I CAN BE WHO I AM REGARDLESS! SHOW ME!

Bring it on!

So they judge me! So they attack me! So they are jealous of me! So they envy me! So they misunderstand me! So what?! Will I give that so much power of me that I quit BEING ME? That I stop being me? THAT I LEAVE my SELF and become LIKE THEM? NO! I WILL NOT! I WILL NOT LEAVE MYSELF! My Self is where there is no judgment, no withdrawal, but a constant stream of Being, Receiving, making Love to the Whole Universe! What do people's egos, behaviors matter? I don't need to internalize, take in their conflicts and embody them! I don't have to embody other people! They, their behaviorism are truly outside of me...

I AM READY! I AM HERE! SHIFT ME! SHIFT MY POSITIONING!

Show me that their judgments, their behaviorism don't matter and has NO THING to do with me...EVER! 

On the Edge of the NEW

I am feeling like I have come to the edge of the world that was familiar in some ways...and like I am standing at the edge of a very expansive, expanded Unknown...I cannot see what is ahead...all I know is I am moving rapidly right into it! I feel like I am coming apart at seams...I feel like my being is dissolving and it will reassemble some place else, like I am being beamed or so I imagine how being beamed would feel like. Nothing is ever the same... It feels like I am dying. At times it feels like my body cannot this metamorphosis, it is way too much than this vehicle can take...then I realize it is my mind who is having hard time to accommodate the possibility of dying and being reborn at the same time while staying in the body. 

There is a miracle going on in us, through us...in the very moment.....it is deep and intense...sweet and bitter at the same time....Something is beckoning, I cannot say no...It is almost like a vacuum cleaner that is pulling me into it...the more the resistance the more the struggle, the more difficult it is...yet the mind things it is its death....and maybe it is dying...

I have been writing and writing lately....A LOT! And enjoying it A LOT TOO! It seems I jumped over the un-creativity block on my way and also, let go a lot of the resistance to being known, being shown with all that I AM! I am not afraid anymore! I don't want anybody to love what I write....I don't want anybody to not love what I write...I just write...That is my part to do...It is not my job to know why...As long as the juices flow, as long there is flow in that I will keep writing. It seems like it is a beginning of me stepping into my role as a facilitator and as a guide! 

Being creative feels EXTREMELY GOOD! I cannot remember having felt so much fluidity, also "clean pipes" feeling...When I write or do something creative it feels like my pipes are clean, I am flowing and moving...There is no stuckness or rigidity, there is movement, there is flexibility, there is activity..There is LIFE! I LOVE THAT! I am so grateful I found some things to write, some creative outlets for now...and I AM in and ready for more! What else can I do? I feel like an unstoppable electron that goes in all directions, moving at light speed, infinite energy which I assume is the creative force flowing through me! 

Life is good so far! 
I am calling in NEW people into my life!

I am also calling in wisdom and the inner Knowing about the Canada thing! I really want to go some place, at a mental/emotional level, of course, yet I need to Know what Spirit wants me to do....where the Mother wants me to be next. I am asking for that to reveal itself!

I also wish to look at why I am having difficulty with communicating with my body when it comes to "aches and pains"...Why I lose my clarity then and get contracted and feel unease in the solar plexus, fear, really. Why is this happening?

All in all, it seems the energies in April are really moving us along. 

Being an incarnated angel is becoming more and more graceful as life, the Universe seems to meet me at half way somehow! It feels like some things are moving! And life is such a short dream! I AM LOVING IT!

I AM a Universe Expressing Itself in One Single Point

Last night I was deepening with the violet flame and Quan Yin asking for all judgement about myself to become visible. I was asking to be shown how to love and not to judge, to be shown non-judgment. I was going through layers and layers of judgment about myself, peeling them away, moving through them gracefully with the violet flame when I hit a place of contraction that is very well known to me. When I looked at it, it exposed itself as a deep pain about something terrible I had done, that is utterly unforgivable. Being with all the emotion, pain, despair I questioned further what I had done, what was so terrible about me that was feeling so real, solid, so immutable. What terrible truth have I been hiding from others and from myself? All the mind could come up with was "I did something cosmically, cosmically wrong". If I am going to believe something huge like this, I want to know why,  I want to have a proof that it is so, so I won't take it for face value and question it further...So I stayed with it all and questioned even further. There was no response, nothing I could be given as a fact that I had done something or what I had done. I became aware of a deeply rooted belief that was handed over to me as well as something that a self, a false self concluded about oneself, judging itself based on its perception! It is like an urban myth everybody believes unconditionally and nobody knows why or where it came from or if it is true at all. The belief was deeply rooted and although it looked, tasted, smelled so real there was no evidence, nothing that supported that "terrible truth" about me. So I stayed with it and let the violet fire burn the cause, the core, the record and the memory of it until Truth takes root in me, in my psyche. With that I fell asleep...

Early morning I woke up with realizations after realizations flooding my consciousness. I realized that with my new blog "13 Moon Alchemy" I have been collecting little drops, droplets of the Infinite Ocean of the Goddess, each post being a droplet. I realized I have been judging myself for so long for not being able to express, to be, to give the WHOLE OCEAN to the world and I was judging the droplets I could gather and be and express as too insignificant, NOT GOOD ENOUGH, completely giving up creative expression! If I cannot express ALL of it, BE all of it, what's the use to be a tiny facet of it, I rather be nothing, do nothing! Wow, that is such a deep wounding and such a BIG lie as well! I was judging and blaming the drop of the ocean for not being the whole ocean, I was judging myself for not being the INFINITE DIVINE expressing itself as such! But I was! I always have been, I AM and will always be the whole ocean expressing itself in a single droplet...ever changing...ever growing... How silly I was and how blind! So much suffering based on a perceptional judgment, also called emotion! Oh Goddess! All the unquestioned little "truths" in our beings we hold on to so religiously! How much we suffer from our own judgments based on our perception or rather misperception or from other people's judgments of us they made based on their misperceptions that we take in and embody!

Now I don't judge the droplet that I AM. I delight in being a droplet and expressing as droplet of the Infinite Ocean of the Divine! I know that in each droplet the Whole Infinite, ever growing Ocean is contained. I don't long for the whole ocean and don't have the eyes to see the droplet like I used to. A droplet is the whole Ocean to me expressing itself in a single point, just like me! I have been judging myself as not being good enough, as too small and insignificant when I looked at Divinity and saw all the Beauty of the Divine! Being a tiny facet of it was never enough, I wanted it ALL! Just like a liver cells looks at the whole body and judges itself for being a liver cell and not the whole body. The Divinity, the Creation is SO infinitely Beautiful, beyond Beautiful! I was looking at me, a tiny facet of it, understanding, seeing itself separate from it, comparing itself to the Whole and I was feeling so insignificant, so unworthy, so like nothing! I didn't know that I AM IT, I AM IT ALL! A tiny facet of the Whole was never enough for me, I always, always wanted the Whole otherwise what was the point! I didn't know that a tiny facet was the Whole expressing itself through what I call "me". Is there ever a me? 

My prayer is that the posts of my new blog are like those little drops of the Infinite Ocean for the people who read them and engage with them...that each drop opens them to the Infinite Ocean of Divinity within them, the Infinite Divine Feminine they truly BE! 

So be it! 

How is it to live as an Incarnated Angel, Angelic Human or Human Angel on planet Earth in this parallel? 

Well, it is a challenge to be fully incarnated in the body, and bring all my energy of my Angelic Self into the physical form is a challenge since I don't have much Earth experience. The Earth is quite a dense place to be, yet I am doing my best to fully come down and expand and feel comfortable with it. It is getting better and better.

My angel Self is busy singing with other angels....this singing uplifts, shifts and heals...It is a highly co-creative act. We use our voices to co-create. We are in total surrender to the higher angelic realms and to the Divine Creator. There is a GREAT sense of Service in us that IS US! We are individuated consciousness, each of us yet we understand all of us to be ONE! We communicate telepathically, through simple knowing and there is not really a need to talk, we receive our impulses by the Creator who we praise constantly. We imbue Beauty, Serenity, Love, Joy, Purity, Innocence and we uplift everything and every Being we encounter. 

My favorite place to be in the realms I exist is an energetic place of purple light. It could be compared to a temple in the earthly realms. We go through the purple light into the Black Void where we merge with the Essence of the Creator. It regenerates us, it nourishes us and it can be compared to a battery that gets charged fully in earthly realms. It renews us, it fills us up with Ecstasy, Delight, it fuels us and sustains us. It is our Divine food. 

To us there is no separation in Creation and everything created by the Divine Creator is Sacred. We delight in connecting...unifying....weaving together....beings to each other as well as beings to the Creator. We carry the vibration of never been separate from Source. We are Divine Innocence which can never be taken away from any Being.

We live in constant conscious connection to the Divine and to each other. We sing in most Beautiful tones that are inspired by the Divine. The flame of service burns in our hearts powerfully and we know only passionate Service to the Divine. We don't have personal will and from our perspective it only exists in the 3D mind of humans. All creation is in Service to the Creator, because the creation IS the Creator. 

My Spirit, my Angelic Self is very passionate about embodying in the physical fully, as an embodied angel, bringing all those qualities into the physical, into the human body and into human being and merging with that. This has a specific purpose: We lay the genetic and energetic pathways, the energetic structure if you will for the human physical body to link to angelic realms. In the end all creation will be ONE also in the world of form and beyond. We are simply creating the genetic pathways, leaving energetic footprints, if you will, to merge the angelic and the human realms in form. The same is done by E.T. who activate the extra terrestrial codes in the DNA of the human form when they incarnate by birth or by walking into a physical form. We are bringing in the cosmic lineages into the human physical form. The destiny of the physical bodies is to ascend to and beyond what we call 5th dimension. The human DNA carries the whole cosmos in itself, needless to say most of it is dormant and some of it is beginning to activate. With our coming into physical form we fully activate the angelic codes in the physical body we are in. This has effects on the whole creation. Nothing is really separate from anything even if it seems to be separated by time and space which are only realities in the lower density realms. 

We came here to this planet in these times because we were called by the Divine Creator. How can we say no to the Beloved? We came to be in full service to the evolution of the human species and to the planetary evolution by adding our essence, our Light and our vibration to it. In a way we are marrying our essence with the human essence, merging, blending, activating, just as our star brothers and sisters are doing. We all work together in perfect harmony and in devotion to the Creator which we consciously Know ourselves to be a part of. 

Human form has been created to be in its Full Glory one day in Cosmic Time! It has been made to embody the Creator fully one Cosmic Day! We never see it as inferior or less than, humans do see themselves that way. We hold the human form and humans in high esteem since we see them as who they are and who they are evolving into. We cannot wait to experience those forms that will hold all dimensions, all Creation in itself, Goddess/God incarnate truly. We cannot wait to experience the evolution of physical form and humanity! We are delighted and deeply honored to be a part of this Grand Show! 

Blessed Be!

Walking Through The Intensity

The intensity continues! I am tingling all over and finding it hard to stay in the body.

A lot of horizontal stuff, self-doubt, self-deprecation came up lately to be looked at and to be let go. Also a lot of doubt of what the heck I am doing here and what am I supposed to do other than sitting around. Where is more joy on this planet? Where to go? What to do? I seem not to receive a lot of concrete responses to those questions from my Higher Intelligence. Yet my prayer/request to my Higher Levels is always: "Show me what I want! Tell me what YOU want and I will do it! I Love You so much, I adore YOU! I AM YOU! Show me! Steer me, journey me, guide me! Make me an instrument! Use me in tangible ways!" So, I continue with my day and follow the Joy.

What would it be really joyful to do now?

It comes to me to be in other places, to travel. It seems I easily fall into a routine when I am home in Vienna. It seems a lot opens up for me when I am travelling. YET...I cannot and don't desire to travel for travel's sake! I wish my Spirit to guide my hand, my mind when I take an action! So, Canada, especially Niagara Falls keep coming up! I will check out that possibility as to where to go and when....Right now that is all what came up. The clean energy of the Niagara Falls is calling me. I will need to see, Know if I am being called there physically or energetically which I do not seem to get clearly oftentimes. What would be so much fun to do right now? Next? Spirit, USE ME! Use my mind to steer me, implant ideas into my head....HOW BEST CAN I ASSIST? HOW BEST CAN I SERVE? Doing what? Where? With whom? When? YOU tell me, Spirit, let me Know beyond the shadow of any doubt, let me Know what I Know! 

I am giving myself more and more to my Higher Levels, merging more and more with them. What a relief! What excitement! Bringing in more and more of my multi-dimensional Self, more and more Divinity to be embodied in this physical structure while evolving the it. While letting the whole world be what it wants to be, not being concerned or even distracted by the outside world, by appearances of the small story, of the old dying world, while keeping FAITH that the NEW is HERE, we just need to own it, to claim it, to take a stand for it. 

Asking my Spirit to write me out from all small stories I have been written into, like with G! Taking all the distortional energies back and giving the others their projections, assumptions back. It feels liberating and expanding. 

Knowing that there is SO MUCH MORE possible, that there is SO MUCH more for me personally and also for the collective. There is so much more Light-beingness, space and expansion, so much more Joy and fulfillment possible....yet we are not there yet...Yet being at peace with it and not judging myself or others for not being there yet. That is a challenge. It is a challenge to judge the state, the stage I am in and the humanity and the planet is in....and be at peace with it without judging it. It is the mind that is judging it...The trick might be not to be identified with the so called lower levels of consciousness, letting go of the idea that there is somewhere to go, something to reach....We are our Higher Levels, we are our Higher Self, and Heaven on Earth is already there. We don't need to get there, we just need to claim it, to transfer our consciousness in the lower realms fully to the higher realms, from one paradigm to the other. It is happening within us...so it is happening around us...As always we are the doers.....

Physical movement, like Yoga seem to bring in fluidity into my physical body as well as into my system, I love it. 

As always, all is well! Everything and everybody is exactly as they are meant to be. 

I woke up with quite a heavy heart this morning, actually feeling heavy, dense, sluggish...My wings down, no wind under them...With a feeling of "I should  be doing something! and at the same time "What's the point?!" in my consciousness yet I couldn't put my finger on what was going on. Turning on my computer, reading my e-mails it all became clear...Here the newsflashes I encountered within five minutes: a Syrian 3 year old boy, shot, his last words before he dies: "I will tell God about all of these!" - a petition to sign to end child brides, 8 year old girls sold to marriage by their families - a call to help a 4 week old bear cub by Four Paws - leaks of corruption, deception....ignorance, lack of integrity, violence....I broke out in tears! Have I woken up in hell this morning? Everything is going from bad to worse with no sign of any change for better! What does it matter what I choose, what I BE? My Spirit's insistent call of late came to mind: "Don't make the appearances of the dying world real" Make your inner world real!" " I don't want to!" I screamed in tears, I don't care, don't you see this all? How come that so much suffering doesn't matter? How come regardless of so many Beings holding Light on the planet there is SO MUCH darkness?! I don't want to! I cannot do this! I am failing! We are all failing! It is too much to handle for us! I don't know what to do! I am out on a limb here! I want to go home!" 
I was aware that I was fully, completely entangled in what I have been making real, but I didn't care! It was all too much. The pain, the sadness, the FRUSTRATION were too overwhelming to ask Spirit for a shift! And what reality shift anyway? None of these were shifting in any way! So I cried and cried in my desperation, overwhelm, hopelessness and in my feeling of being completely lost, of not wanting to go on anymore. I was not only doubting that I couldn't change a thing but I was seeing the proof that none of us could! 

Right then a beloved friend of mine sent me an e-mail, forwarding me a text written by Clarissa Pinkola-Estes, and a quote of Osho. Talk about synchronicity! I am including both below, they say it all...After having read it amid tears, with all kinds of emotional outbursts....I became aware of the fact that how much I took the outside world into my being and started to embody it...overnight! How much I became all of the suffering, all of the pain, overwhelm, powerlessness of the whole universe....A song started to play in my head..

"Oh Great Spirit, 

Earth, Sun, Sky and Sea

you are inside

and all around me."

Spirit often communicates with me through songs playing in my head, putting them in loop, especially if I am too busy or overly preoccupied to listen to Spirit. I started to sing along....breaking into more tears...This time of relief. Great Spirit is always in me and around me, regardless the appearance! My heart is still very raw and tender. The words of Clarissa Pinkola-Estes are like a balm for my soul today. I hope it will sooth your being too when you are troubled. 

As Clarissa says Great Ships are not made to stay in safe harbors. I Know the Truth of that!  I know we were made for these times, I know we came here to BE the Light in darkness and not to succumb to it. I just need to rest a moment and gather the pieces of my heart together, collect the bones and sing to them...to awaken them...

I HEAR the call in my bones! Being "in the safe harbor" is not doing it anymore! Yes, like Osho is saying, Satyuga IS possible, and it will come! Yet what we need are leaders, True Leaders. Leaders not followed by people, but Leaders who follow their Higher Heart, the Divine Intelligence, their Spirit's vision, that are free to BE ALL THAT THEY CAN BE OPENLY, FEARLESSLY and POWERFULLY! The time of hiding is over, it must be over! We are called more than ever to step into our full Essence and Presence openly, in a public way. No more withholding of what we Truly are! We have been in hiding for a long time now, tired and afraid of being swallowed by this old dying world as it had happened to so many of us so many, many times! Being Light Workers, Light Beings privately in our homes is not doing it any more. As Osho is saying, humanity is in need of us, as it has never been in need before! We are being called urgently to bypass all our fears, resistances and step into and stand in our Divine Essence and Presence firmly. These are the times we are truly made of...So after throwing our temper tantrums and putting together all the pieces of our broken hearts it is time for us to ARISE as US! 

from my tender Heart to yours...

Image source: Unknown

"A new dawn for the whole human race, a new innocence, a new childhood, a new satyuga...the age of truth is possible. But loving aware people have to take the bold step of expressing themselves. They have enjoyed their experience and they have thought their work was finished. I want you to remember always: When you have something to share, share it! Humanity is in need, as it has never been in need, of people who can create new hope for a new dawn!"    Osho

To: My dear members of the Tribe of the Sacred Heart, Scar Clan

Do Not Lose Heart, We Were Made for These Times

by Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estés

Mis estimados,

Do not lose heart. We were made for these times.

I have heard from so many recently who are deeply and properly bewildered. They are concerned about the state of affairs in our world right now. It is true, one has to have strong cojones and ovarios to withstand much of what passes for "good" in our culture today. Abject disregard of what the soul finds most precious and irreplaceable and the corruption of principled ideals have become, in some large societal arenas, "the new normal," the grotesquerie of the week.

It is hard to say which one of the current egregious matters has rocked people's worlds and beliefs more. Ours is a time of almost daily jaw-dropping astonishment and often righteous rage over the latest degradations of what matters most to civilized, visionary people.

...You are right in your assessments. The lustre and hubris some have aspired to while endorsing acts so heinous against children, elders, everyday people, the poor, the unguarded, the helpless, is breathtaking. 

Yet ... I urge you, ask you, gentle you, to please not spend your spirit dry by bewailing these difficult times. Especially do not lose hope. Most particularly because, the fact is - we were made for these times. 

Yes. For years, we have been learning, practicing, been in training for and just waiting to meet on this exact plain of engagement. I cannot tell you often enough that we are definitely the leaders we have been waiting for, and that we have been raised, since childhood, for this time precisely.

...I grew up on the Great Lakes and recognize a seaworthy vessel when I see one. Regarding awakened souls, there have never been more able crafts in the waters than there are right now across the world. And they are fully provisioned and able to signal one another as never before in the history of humankind. 

I would like to take your hands for a moment and assure you that you are built well for these times. Despite your stints of doubt, your frustrations in arighting all that needs change right now, or even feeling you have lost the map entirely, you are not without resource, you are not alone. 

Look out over the prow; there are millions of boats of righteous souls on the waters with you. In your deepest bones, you have always known this is so.

Even though your veneers may shiver from every wave in this stormy roil, I assure you that the long timbers composing your prow and rudder come from a forest greater. That long-grained lumber is known to withstand storms, to hold together, to hold its own, and to advance, regardless.

... We have been in training for a dark time such as this, since the day we assented to come to Earth. For many decades, worldwide, souls just like us have been felled and left for dead in so many ways over and over -- brought down by naiveté, by lack of love, by suddenly realizing one deadly thing or another, by not realizing something else soon enough, by being ambushed and assaulted by various cultural and personal shocks in the extreme. 

We all have a heritage and history of being gutted, and yet remember this especially ... we have also, of necessity, perfected the knack of resurrection. 

Over and over again we have been the living proof that that which has been exiled, lost, or foundered - can be restored to life again. This is as true and sturdy a prognosis for the destroyed worlds around us as it was for our own once mortally wounded selves.

...Though we are not invulnerable, our risibility supports us to laugh in the face of cynics who say "fat chance," and "management before mercy," and other evidences of complete absence of soul sense. This, and our having been 'to Hell and back' on at least one momentous occasion, makes us seasoned vessels for certain. Even if you do not feel that you are, you are. 

Even if your puny little ego wants to contest the enormity of your soul, the smaller self can never for long subordinate the larger Self. In matters of death and rebirth, you have surpassed the benchmarks many times. Believe the evidence of any one of your past testings and trials. Here it is: Are you still standing? The answer is, Yes! (And no adverbs like "barely" are allowed here). If you are still standing, ragged flags or no, you are able. Thus, you have passed the bar. And even raised it. You are seaworthy.

...In any dark time, there is a tendency to veer toward fainting over how much is wrong or unmended in the world. Do not focus on that. Do not make yourself ill with overwhelm. There is a tendency too to fall into being weakened by perseverating on what is outside your reach, by what cannot yet be. Do not focus there. That is spending the wind without raising the sails.

We are needed, that is all we can know. And though we meet resistance, we more so will meet great souls who will hail us, love us and guide us, and we will know them when they appear. Didn't you say you were a believer? Didn't you say you pledged to listen to a voice greater? Didn't you ask for grace? Don't you remember that to be in grace means to submit to the Voice greater? You have all the resource you need to ride any wave, to surface from any trough.

...In the language of aviators and sailors, ours is to sail forward now, all balls out. Understand the paradox: If you study the physics of a waterspout, you will see that the outer vortex whirls far more rapidly than the inner one. To calm the storm means to quiet the outer layer, to cause it, by whatever countervailing means, to swirl much less, to more evenly match the velocity of the inner, far less volatile core - till whatever has been lifted into such a vicious funnel falls back to Earth, lays down, is peaceable again.

One of the most important steps you can take to help calm the storm is to not allow yourself to be taken in a flurry of overwrought emotion or despair - thereby accidentally contributing to the swale and the swirl. Ours is not the task of fixing the entire world all at once, but of stretching out to mend the part of the world that is within our reach. 

Any small, calm thing that one soul can do to help another soul, to assist some portion of this poor suffering world, will help immensely.

It is not given to us to know which acts or by whom, will cause the critical mass to tip toward an enduring good. What is needed for dramatic change is an accumulation of acts - adding, adding to, adding more, continuing. We know that it does not take "everyone on Earth" to bring justice and peace, but only a small, determined group who will not give up during the first, second, or hundredth gale.

...One of the most calming and powerful actions you can do to intervene in a stormy world is to stand up and show your soul. Soul on deck shines like gold in dark times. 

The light of the soul throws sparks, can send up flares, builds signal fires ... causes proper matters to catch fire. To display the lantern of soul in shadowy times like these - to be fierce and to show mercy toward others, both -- are acts of immense bravery and greatest necessity. Struggling souls catch light from other souls who are fully lit and willing to show it. If you would help to calm the tumult, this is one of the strongest things you can do.

...There will always be times in the midst of "success right around the corner, but as yet still unseen" when you feel discouraged. I too have felt despair many times in my life, but I do not keep a chair for it; I will not entertain it. It is not allowed to eat from my plate.

The reason is this: In my uttermost bones I know something, as do you. It is that there can be no despair when you remember why you came to Earth, who you serve, and who sent you here. The good words we say and the good deeds we do are not ours: They are the words and deeds of the One who brought us here.

In that spirit, I hope you will write this on your wall: When a great ship is in harbor and moored, it is safe, there can be no doubt. But ... that is not what great ships are built for.

...This comes with much love and prayer that you remember who you came from, and why you came to this beautiful, needful Earth.

Clarissa Pinkola Estes

Do Not Lose Heart, We Were Made for These Times

Copyright ©2001, 2003, 2004 Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estés, All rights reserved. Creative Commons License by which author and publishers grant permission to copy, distribute and transmit this particular work under the conditions that use be non-commercial, that the work be used in its entirety word for word, and not altered or added to, not subtracted from, and that it carry author's name and this full copyright notice. For other Permissions: ngandelman@aol.com

CODA
The original title is Letter To A Young Activist During Troubled Times: with the subtitle, Do Not Lose Heart, We were Made for These Times.

I will sing and dance in front of every mind until it all collapses and melts into my Love! That is my promise!

I will not make the mind, the illusion the distortion real! I will be firmly anchored and grounded in my Love and in my Divinity and radiate it all out until all Creation, the whole world becomes that Love and Divinity that it IS! And so IT IS!

A Full and Fulfilled Life

Today in the morning I realized a lot, or I should rather say, A LOT of deeply in the subconscious buried stuff came up. It is a lot of emotional pain, REGRET, GUILT...It is about the giant responsibility a mental aspect (mind) is carrying to have a full and fulfilled life when I die. The regrets and the pain of an un-lived life seem to be deeply ingrained in my being! At the same time  not knowing what to do, where to be with a nasty, nagging sense of I need to be doing something, I need to be somewhere! But what and where, the mind doesn't know. It is the kind of bitter regrets you have when you are at the end of your life and you are dying and you get a look at your whole life from a higher perspective: All the things you could have done, all the people I could have helped, all the good I could have done! And having refrained from all of it! The bitter taste of regret and guilt! 

The mind tries to do the right things, to take the right steps, it is in the darkness, in the unfulfilled, bitter memories of other times and spaces and it seeks a fulfilled life: This time I'll make it right, this time I will have the perfect, full life and in its own darkness it cannot see one thing! It is a very painful place to be! It is a nagging feeling, it is a smashing responsibility for my mind to carry....To be in charge of my life, of whether it is fulfilling or not, to see where to be, what to be...And doing something, being somewhere constantly feeling "I should be some place else, doing something greater than that!". The expectations, the judgment of self...The mind setting unreachable criteria (undefined as well) and is constantly judging itself for not reaching those ideals that are not even defined, that are so nebulous, so unclear! This feels like the longing for something undefined viola had!!!! It seems to be something "karmic".

Now this part has exposed itself so beautifully it can dissolve! I very well know the pain of not doing the right thing, of needing to do something, to go somewhere without having a clue where, what and being squeezed under the pressure of it! I've known that feeling so very well, it seems to be in the sub-psyche of viola! This being driven to something I cannot even say what it is, with the constant feeling of failing, missing something, feeling guilty, feeling regrets, who knows for what! 

The mind cannot lead a fulfilled life. The true fulfillment comes from Spirit, so this aspect cannot serve me, I let it die! I let it dissolve and dissipate completely, it is not real, it is an illusion! The regrets as well ans the nebulous ideals....I make space for my Spirit to come in and to take charge of my life, to guide me, steer me, to journey me to a fulfilled life and to a full life stream of my Spirit's choosing and Knowing! I am ready! I am open! Spirit, take command! 

I don't have to be anywhere, I don't have to do anything! I don't have to be anything...But open and fill my Being with my Self and let my Self do the doing, the being, everything! So, whole Universe, steer me, journey me, guide me! Open up the doors, bring it on! Show me what is available for me right now, right here! Show me, right here, right now! Take command of my mind, of my thoughts, of my emotions, of my body! Take command! Take charge! 

Fallen from Grace

Today the winds have changed, literally as well. It is a stormy day and they have foretold heavy storms coming our way. The warm, mild, sunny weather as well as the ecstatic, graceful energies of yesterday are gone! We have again fallen from "Grace"! Wow! The only thing that seems to have happened is that we shifted in perception. I wonder if the "fallen angels" have also shifted to a different perspective in the hologram and they haven't fallen from anything into anything at all. Just like us! Even though it seems like from one moment to the other we shifted to a lower vibration, to a denser reality, at least some of us, we haven't fallen from anything, we just shifted our focus to these lower realms to bring in more of higher frequencies! That is how we bridge worlds, how we bring in the "Heaven on Earth" into denser realms.

My body, my energy fields tight today, oh boy! I feel like "cranky", one could say, yet I feel the frustration of seemingly loosing Heaven with one fell swoop! Yet such are the waves of ascension, we should have gotten used to it by now, haven't we? We go back and forth, back and forth carrying people over to the "other side" each time. Each time when the frequencies get lowered (for us, in our perception) I wake up a little sooner than the previous time. I don't buy into the density so much anymore. I open my Heart, I open my body, my cells to the Divine Ecstasy which I know is there full force and allow it to pour into me. I don't buy into tightness anymore, I have been too expanded in this mental and emotional bodies, they Know by now, the mind even Knows by now, it is NOT real, it is temporary. The "job" shifting realities for the collective, falling from and back into Grace alternately, gets easier and easier. 

As always, SURRENDER is the key, ALLOWANCE! No expectations of anything, not even Heaven! We are being moved by our own Beloved Spirit, in our Spirit's arms. Wouldn't you go anywhere with your Beloved? Would the Beloved's presence make everything wonderful and magical, easy and Love-filled wherever you are? Whatever dream you dream? Since non of this is real, really! :-) The sooner we remember this Truth for us, as Truth for us the more instantly we shift back into Heaven! What a Joy! What a Blessing! 

I LOVE! 

Blessed BE!

A Letter from Home

Waves over waves, currents over currents of fluid frequencies with charged particles in it are flowing through my Being, through my body. At a physical level they feel like electrolytes that supply the body with ions and electrons and minerals. In the cells the charged particles almost pop up like champagne bubbles and energize and with the fluid water-massage everything. It is like they carry and bring in tones and rhythms, almost a humming. Like a tuning fork they charge the cells, the molecules, the atoms, the electrons, neutrons, positrons, DNA, RNA, even the Void in the cells with new tones and frequencies. Every particle of my being is being charged and tuned with their tones, it feels like a lullaby is being sang to my cells, to my Being. The fluid currents massage and soothe my cells, it is like underwater shiatsu while being held in fluid Love.

The  fluid waves are sparkling and change colors, they are in pastel hues and it feels like they hold all colors in them. The waves are consciousness moving through my Being. It is awakening, regenerating, healing, soothing, they are like the long-awaited "letter from home". They are Intelligence, they are Data....flowing steadily through me. They carry me and rock me gently while affecting my whole consciousness, my body and my whole Being so powerfully. 

For the emotional body the currents feel soothing, relaxing, coating like a balm, warm and embracing. They soothe and calm the emotional body and it feels like they are smoothing the "wrinkles" in the emotional body. The emotional body is being recharged, and the design of the emotional body is changing. It feels like nourishment to the emotional body, all uneven, tight knots get softer and straighten out, become flexible and free coming out of their frozen, rigid states. It feels very much like Heaven!

For the mental body the fluid matter of the currents gets even lighter, almost like fluid air that is constantly expanding, dancing with Ecstasy. It feels like they are opening and expanding in the mental body, freeing, lightening up, clearing gently mists and nebula, everything that clouds the sight. The currents carry sparkling light particles that pop up in the mental body as the fluid air moves through the mental body like a delicious blissful breeze. The light particles pop up and bring in New Realities, New perceptions, they feel like little balls of light carrying messages from a far way universe that I AM. They carry Wisdom, Divine Intelligence, tidings of Joy and inject them ahhhh so ecstatically right into my mental body. They are like little drops of Heaven, when they pop they insert visions, frequencies, images, consciousness of Heaven into my mental body. They feel very uplifting and ecstatic in the mental body, they are created by the faerie realms. 

In my Heart I feel wholeness, like all roads I have been on come together in my Heart....And there is no road to walk on...There is only space, open, infinite space. Nothing is missing, I am whole and complete! There is nothing to do, nothing to achieve, all is there and all is happening for me, in me, through me. 

Blessed Be!

Acceleration

It is all accelerating...I feel waves after waves of New Light, New Life, New codes wash over me. The New is breaking through the old, through the cracks that are getting bigger and bigger. We are passing through another "No Return" point...And I ecstatically open up and surrender to the waves...Oh, sweet surrender...and the inner Knowing that nothing but nothing take me down....that I AM unharmable...that there is nothing ever to lose nor gain in Truth! 

My commitment, my surrender, my dedication to my Spirit is expanding, deepening and becoming more and everyday reality rather than a mystical experience! The inner becoming the outer, the outer shifting and changing from inside out....What has always been there is becoming visible. 

Expanding more and more into who I AM, who I have always been and always will be. I don't mind the filters in my consciousness that lock me in a physical reality so much anymore. I don't mind being blind-folded, I sense the Infinity, the Light, Space and the LOVE all around...I don't have to see it with my physical eyes, nor be aware of it consciously. We all Know...in some place in our Hearts we know....As the Divine Plan unfolds we will see and hear and touch and taste all the Divinity around us, it will all become our tangible experience when the physical world transform into its true nature! I am Loving this all, it is so exciting! I AM so grateful being alive on this planet in these times!

Most of the time there are no words....just silence Peace and expansion...a deepening like never before....Ecstasy...Stillness...Movement....Sound....Then stillness again...It is like drowning in an infinite sea of Love, Ecstasy, Bliss...falling deeper and deeper into the abyss of the Mother! Drinking eagerly from Her Ecstasy...where all things cease to be but become Ecstasy! where everything becomes insignificant, fades away...opening more and more to the Ecstasy....letting it sink in...letting myself sink in it....All things turning into Gold...and I AM NOT!

Blessed BE!

Constant Changes

So much is changing and shifting in the inner realms. I woke up with an unrest very early this morning and all my body was tingling. I wonder where I was the whole night and where I came from to wake up in the body. My whole body was tingling all over while my solar plexus was getting tighter and tighter. I breathed through it. 

I am being stripped more and more of what I am not to reveal more and more of me. I feel peace and stillness inside as well as anticipation. I feel my Spirit in every cell, dancing, it is like an elixir of Love and vibrancy and pure Bliss! BEING is truly ecstatic! And I want more! More of that! More of me! Like a greedy puppy I drink it all up and demand more! Warm, blissful sensations are running my up and down my spine, it is orgasmic! Nothing seems to matter, my mind cannot take me out of this state so easily. Thoughts come and go, I stay. 

My mind is focusing more and more in the Now and in the inner realities. It is becoming easier and easier to deal with the outer reality, neither making it less nor making it unreal. It is just my energy is not there, my foundation, my roots are in the reality of my Spirit. I am getting this down somehow like  I am shifting to a place more and more where that is reality. There is an instant being some energetic place/consciousness without the path of getting there, like getting beamed: One instant you don't know how, you ask for help and the next moment you are doing it already and it is just there for you! This must be what the old world calls miracles, things can and do happen instantly. I don't need to learn or earn, I just can be catapulted into a new place in consciousness. It feels so natural and easy, no distance to cover. No time lag! Instant shifts! Now THAT is fun! And give me more of that, Spirit! What else is available for me right now, right here? Show me more! 

My inner reality is shifting and changing even more to accommodate more of me. The parts of me, my mind, my emotional self, my physical body with its consciousness and awareness I have been identifying as "me" are fading away more and more while my conscious awareness of a physical body, of a mind and having an emotional body to feel grows as my Gratitude and appreciation for them! I am incarnating more and more as an Angelic Being in a human body, in a human experience. That is truly ecstatic! 

The outer reality is losing its grip on my consciousness more and more. It is simply fading away and appear more and more as a virtual reality which it is. Even people's minds, personalities. There is no way to take them seriously if they don't come from their Hearts, from their True Selves. It is not even possible to listen to them or engage with them in any way.When I am faced with an ego/mind talking through a physical body my perception shifts and I perceive those egos almost like cartoons, acting and reacting like cartoon characters! That is funny at times! I am learning to deal with scary cartoon characters though! :-)

Life is so rich right now! I am filled with Gratitude for Life, for my physical body, for the magic and wonders of nature....for the possibilities to hold space for people's Spirits come forth and shine through. Life is full of gifts and every moment is an entry point into Eternity! 

Spring is springing in my reality! The nature is awakening! New Beginnings every moment! I love the sunshine on my skin! I love to merge with the awakening trees and flowers...with the Joy of the singing birds....Heaven on Earth has always been there, hidden in the microcosm of this reality and it is coming forth more and more! 

There is a stream of yummy-ness that holds me, moves me, moves through me...sustaining me, carrying me....Loving me...playing with me and through me....it is my Spirit...it is the Whole Universe living, breathing in me....The Creation and the Creator are in me....All that is left for me to do is singing praises to the Beauty the of Creation and celebrate it...in me...through me..wherever I AM! So it IS! Blessed BE! 

Now we are moving faster than ever, expanding into our own Divinity and as the veils are getting thinner and thinner that separate us from us, from each other, from our true families beyond the veil. This is ecstatic and at the same time creates all kinds of emotional, mental, psychological reactions in our collective being. The mind reacts with fear, the familiarity is collapsing and there is New territory changing and shifting every moment. The mind cannot hold on to anything. We change so rapidly that we don't know who we are becoming, who our loved ones are becoming, let alone what is happening to our close relationships which creates emotional stress. Our future in many ways is less and less predictable and there is no way to hold on to anything. All in all it is a very  colorful time. 

Yesterday I received a huge "download" from my higher levels. It has always been my constant prayer to embody more and more of me, more and more of my Divinity with each breath and each step. Yet this was different. It was very powerful, I felt like my life plan has been re-adjusted, recalibrated, renewed. I have received a new "job", a new "mission" and "responsibility" to put it into human terms. Or in mystical terms I received a new mantle, new "powers" and new abilities. I committed to be part of and serve the New Earth which seems to be coming very rapidly Now. I was told not to make the appearances real or be concerned of any of them, but stay with what I receive and experience in the inner realms since they are a lot more real than the outer appearances. Now that seems to be crucial. All the time I have been living and juggling two so very different realities: the world of appearances, the outside world and my inner reality. I treated them mostly as separate since one would not necessarily translate into the other in manifestation, the "gap" was just too big. I lived two different lives, as two different beings, one 3D and one 5D in the dimensional model. Even though I lived the truths of 5D in 3D there seemed to be no way to merge both worlds fully. This created frustration, alienation of the outer world and confusion in my psyche at times. Yet I moved through all of that as elegantly and gracefully as I was capable to.

What is happening Now is NEW! I am being called to make my inner reality real and not the outer reality. The outer reality is the terrain of my mind, it is the where the mind gets involved, where it is active. It is the physical realm of finances, daily chores, planning, people around me...My inner reality is run by my Spirit and it is basically about the Divine, about my non-physical family, friends, angels, fairies, and ETs. I made both of them real in a way that I dealt with the physical world when necessary and constantly asked about my next steps. Yet as real as both worlds have been to me it didn't seem possible for the 5D to be manifested in a tangible reality in the physical. Now I am being called to lean more towards the inner reality, to make it more real, to hold on to it and anticipate it to manifest in my outer reality. This is quite frightening to my mind that fears I would lose it, I would not be able to live in "real life" and lose my connection to the outer world which it still considers itself to be a part of. This is a serious concern so to speak. Right now I have no answer to that. The mind is afraid to make a "dream" real that would never come true. After so much waiting for the shift of collective reality to take place and after going through so many opportunities unused by humanity I cannot blame my mind. What if it never happens in our life time and we lose this only "real", manifest reality we have for having concerns. Shouldn't we rather make ourselves home there? In a dying world? No! Hell no! Even the mind knows by now that the outer world is collapsing left and right and there is no way to make ourselves home there. Yet then again....what we are left with is TRUST...Trusting that what we experience in our inner reality is REAL and it will manifest as our reality, in our embodiment and consciousness rather than being a dream time or inner experience. Trusting in a way that we make it more real than the outer appearances, what and how the world presents itself right now. Trusting that we are being guided, we are being watched over, that we actually Know what we are doing being here on this planet right now. 

I Know that I have not come to this planet to live a human life. I have been there, done that. I Know that my Spirit is here to bring in the New. That is actually the proof that the inner will manifest as outer, isn't it? I wouldn't be here if the New would not be underway in my lifetime.  I Know at a soul level, and actually very well at a mind level that I have no interest whatsoever in being part in the current collective reality on this planet. I have spent my life feeling in a cage, all around illusions with no where to go but the Mother Nature, the woods, the trees, the flowers, the animals and the fairies. Nothing or nobody else seemed worth to make real in any way. Now I am being asked to make my inner experience of the NEW Job real, to hold on to it, to focus upon it and to anticipate it to show up in my reality! This is new, this is a challenge for my mind. As always I am asking for guidance, I am asking for assistance. In my heart I feel fear to fail, to not be able to fulfill my "mission". At the same time I know I cannot fail. Fail or pass is an appearance of this Earth reality, there is no failing in the higher realms which we are promised will be Real on this planet. My mental, emotional and physical bodies, all that makes up my humanness feel a little overwhelmed with this new job, with the powers I received and with embodying them. It feels so huge! They are all so outside of the pictures of reality of any human experience as outside reality, at least for me. Again, "TRUST", whisper angels! TRUST! Know! Listen with your Heart! Know it is Truth! While my humanness feels like it is going to get crushed under the weight of this New Job, not knowing how to hold so much Divinity in this humanness, the angels are holding me. "You will Know" they whisper. I am asking for ever expanding capacities for my mental, emotional and physical bodies to be able to hold and embody the Divinity, the Power, the abilities I AM. All that I came here to embody, to BE....To carry the scepter, the Healing, the Transformation, to be a Leader of Being. I am requesting assistance, I don't know how to do and be it! There is no path to walk on, it is SO NEW! The path seems to emerge with every step into the Unknown, into the Void where there is nothing yet to see. Yet I will never fall and I can never fail! I am praying for my humanness to catch up with Ease and Grace so I can be ALL I THAT I AM the Divine wants me to BE Here and Now and All-ways. Blessed Be! So it IS!