A Full and Fulfilled Life

Today in the morning I realized a lot, or I should rather say, A LOT of deeply in the subconscious buried stuff came up. It is a lot of emotional pain, REGRET, GUILT...It is about the giant responsibility a mental aspect (mind) is carrying to have a full and fulfilled life when I die. The regrets and the pain of an un-lived life seem to be deeply ingrained in my being! At the same time  not knowing what to do, where to be with a nasty, nagging sense of I need to be doing something, I need to be somewhere! But what and where, the mind doesn't know. It is the kind of bitter regrets you have when you are at the end of your life and you are dying and you get a look at your whole life from a higher perspective: All the things you could have done, all the people I could have helped, all the good I could have done! And having refrained from all of it! The bitter taste of regret and guilt! 

The mind tries to do the right things, to take the right steps, it is in the darkness, in the unfulfilled, bitter memories of other times and spaces and it seeks a fulfilled life: This time I'll make it right, this time I will have the perfect, full life and in its own darkness it cannot see one thing! It is a very painful place to be! It is a nagging feeling, it is a smashing responsibility for my mind to carry....To be in charge of my life, of whether it is fulfilling or not, to see where to be, what to be...And doing something, being somewhere constantly feeling "I should be some place else, doing something greater than that!". The expectations, the judgment of self...The mind setting unreachable criteria (undefined as well) and is constantly judging itself for not reaching those ideals that are not even defined, that are so nebulous, so unclear! This feels like the longing for something undefined viola had!!!! It seems to be something "karmic".

Now this part has exposed itself so beautifully it can dissolve! I very well know the pain of not doing the right thing, of needing to do something, to go somewhere without having a clue where, what and being squeezed under the pressure of it! I've known that feeling so very well, it seems to be in the sub-psyche of viola! This being driven to something I cannot even say what it is, with the constant feeling of failing, missing something, feeling guilty, feeling regrets, who knows for what! 

The mind cannot lead a fulfilled life. The true fulfillment comes from Spirit, so this aspect cannot serve me, I let it die! I let it dissolve and dissipate completely, it is not real, it is an illusion! The regrets as well ans the nebulous ideals....I make space for my Spirit to come in and to take charge of my life, to guide me, steer me, to journey me to a fulfilled life and to a full life stream of my Spirit's choosing and Knowing! I am ready! I am open! Spirit, take command! 

I don't have to be anywhere, I don't have to do anything! I don't have to be anything...But open and fill my Being with my Self and let my Self do the doing, the being, everything! So, whole Universe, steer me, journey me, guide me! Open up the doors, bring it on! Show me what is available for me right now, right here! Show me, right here, right now! Take command of my mind, of my thoughts, of my emotions, of my body! Take command! Take charge!