The Small "i"

The Small "i"

All problems, confusions, conflicts, battles, cyclical cycles start with the creation of an "i", an identification...i am this, i am that, i am...once created it becomes a deity that has its own life outside of I...All the conflicting "i"s that battle with each other, with other "i" of other beings...false selves that are only a shadow, a distortion, a thought, a belief...a dillusion....of a false self given life by a distortion....

i am XYZ....the start of a whole reality of distortions, falsities, that has no substance....shadows interacting with shadows....where have I gone? 

Called to Truth

I am being called to Truth, to be Real and True with myself and with the Universe! No more distortions!

My dislike of humanity came up, my judgments, my resentment...my pushing away and withdrawing from humanity...in dislike of their egos....in fear....

I faced judgment, misunderstanding, disconnection, projection and ego games yesterday at a brunch with people I had joyfully summoned up. I faced a lot of fixed beliefs and judgments, pov's that made me contract, withdraw, start to judge them, feeling superior...I realized a hidden part of me doesn't like humans at all! That part sees humans as backwards, ego-driven, stupid, mean creatures that will attack you and misunderstand you at will. I felt deep sadness, disconnection from, grief from the species I partly belong.

Why do I make their judgmental behavior, their misunderstanding or not being able to understand a source of power that makes me withdraw and go into judgment as well? Why can't I BE WHO I AM regardless they choose to appear in my reality, on my screen of life? Why do I give them so much power to control me, my Being, my radiance and vibrancy? Why can't I shine like the Sun regardless who stands in front of me? They can go away and be in shadow or put a sun hat on if they don't like the Sun now, can't they?

I have a strong dislike of ego-driven conversations, arguing on a ego/mental level, people forcing their dominant opinions on me or disrespecting my sharing of my pov's or perceptions, or my Heart! Why go there and share things with people who don't understand even what I am talking about?

The Universe, my Spirit is telling me....the Divine Intelligence is telling me...that I haven't come here to be loved, accepted or understood! I haven't come here to belong...I have come here to BE WHO I AM regardless what others do...and let them be what they choose to be...what they can be...while they are doing their utmost to awaken...The Divine Intelligence is telling me that I don't need to change who I am in front of egos and judgmental, adverse behaviorism of other people, or do so much credit to those. My Divine Intelligence is telling me that I came here to light up the world for those who would listen/see. I haven't come here to be understood, accepted, loved....My Divine Intelligence is telling me...The whole Universe is honoring me, Loving me deeply, gifting me infinitely....that the ego behaviorism of humanity doesn't matter at all! That I can BE WHO I AM and at home in this reality, on this planet, in a body....and sing and dance through it all...That I can drop the need to be received....when the whole Universe is receiving me!

So, show me, Divine Intelligence, show me that you receive me! Show me that I CAN BE WHO I AM REGARDLESS how or who others are in my presence without any resistance, with total Ease and Grace...with Simplicity...That nothing and nobody has the power to change or affect that....That if I don't judge people and don't withdraw, if I let them be who they want to be I AM FREE TO BE WHO I AM!

Divine Intelligence, do I have then to go and be with them?
I can be with anybody...at any time....Let the Universe show....bring it to you...

Father, Mother God, Divine Intelligence, my Higher Levels, Creator Levels, show me! Show me how I can be without judgment towards humans? How I can BE WHO I AM constantly without changing it facing other people's behaviorism? HOW CAN I BE MYSELF AT ALL TIME with EASE, SIMPLICITY AND JOY???? SHOW ME! SHOW ME! LET ME EXPERIENCE IT! SHOW ME! Shift my positioning towards humans, this hiding, this withdrawing because of the behaviorism of people? Show me that I CAN BE WHO I AM REGARDLESS! SHOW ME!

Bring it on!

So they judge me! So they attack me! So they are jealous of me! So they envy me! So they misunderstand me! So what?! Will I give that so much power of me that I quit BEING ME? That I stop being me? THAT I LEAVE my SELF and become LIKE THEM? NO! I WILL NOT! I WILL NOT LEAVE MYSELF! My Self is where there is no judgment, no withdrawal, but a constant stream of Being, Receiving, making Love to the Whole Universe! What do people's egos, behaviors matter? I don't need to internalize, take in their conflicts and embody them! I don't have to embody other people! They, their behaviorism are truly outside of me...

I AM READY! I AM HERE! SHIFT ME! SHIFT MY POSITIONING!

Show me that their judgments, their behaviorism don't matter and has NO THING to do with me...EVER! 

On the Edge of the NEW

I am feeling like I have come to the edge of the world that was familiar in some ways...and like I am standing at the edge of a very expansive, expanded Unknown...I cannot see what is ahead...all I know is I am moving rapidly right into it! I feel like I am coming apart at seams...I feel like my being is dissolving and it will reassemble some place else, like I am being beamed or so I imagine how being beamed would feel like. Nothing is ever the same... It feels like I am dying. At times it feels like my body cannot this metamorphosis, it is way too much than this vehicle can take...then I realize it is my mind who is having hard time to accommodate the possibility of dying and being reborn at the same time while staying in the body. 

There is a miracle going on in us, through us...in the very moment.....it is deep and intense...sweet and bitter at the same time....Something is beckoning, I cannot say no...It is almost like a vacuum cleaner that is pulling me into it...the more the resistance the more the struggle, the more difficult it is...yet the mind things it is its death....and maybe it is dying...

I have been writing and writing lately....A LOT! And enjoying it A LOT TOO! It seems I jumped over the un-creativity block on my way and also, let go a lot of the resistance to being known, being shown with all that I AM! I am not afraid anymore! I don't want anybody to love what I write....I don't want anybody to not love what I write...I just write...That is my part to do...It is not my job to know why...As long as the juices flow, as long there is flow in that I will keep writing. It seems like it is a beginning of me stepping into my role as a facilitator and as a guide! 

Being creative feels EXTREMELY GOOD! I cannot remember having felt so much fluidity, also "clean pipes" feeling...When I write or do something creative it feels like my pipes are clean, I am flowing and moving...There is no stuckness or rigidity, there is movement, there is flexibility, there is activity..There is LIFE! I LOVE THAT! I am so grateful I found some things to write, some creative outlets for now...and I AM in and ready for more! What else can I do? I feel like an unstoppable electron that goes in all directions, moving at light speed, infinite energy which I assume is the creative force flowing through me! 

Life is good so far! 
I am calling in NEW people into my life!

I am also calling in wisdom and the inner Knowing about the Canada thing! I really want to go some place, at a mental/emotional level, of course, yet I need to Know what Spirit wants me to do....where the Mother wants me to be next. I am asking for that to reveal itself!

I also wish to look at why I am having difficulty with communicating with my body when it comes to "aches and pains"...Why I lose my clarity then and get contracted and feel unease in the solar plexus, fear, really. Why is this happening?

All in all, it seems the energies in April are really moving us along. 

Being an incarnated angel is becoming more and more graceful as life, the Universe seems to meet me at half way somehow! It feels like some things are moving! And life is such a short dream! I AM LOVING IT!

I AM a Universe Expressing Itself in One Single Point

Last night I was deepening with the violet flame and Quan Yin asking for all judgement about myself to become visible. I was asking to be shown how to love and not to judge, to be shown non-judgment. I was going through layers and layers of judgment about myself, peeling them away, moving through them gracefully with the violet flame when I hit a place of contraction that is very well known to me. When I looked at it, it exposed itself as a deep pain about something terrible I had done, that is utterly unforgivable. Being with all the emotion, pain, despair I questioned further what I had done, what was so terrible about me that was feeling so real, solid, so immutable. What terrible truth have I been hiding from others and from myself? All the mind could come up with was "I did something cosmically, cosmically wrong". If I am going to believe something huge like this, I want to know why,  I want to have a proof that it is so, so I won't take it for face value and question it further...So I stayed with it all and questioned even further. There was no response, nothing I could be given as a fact that I had done something or what I had done. I became aware of a deeply rooted belief that was handed over to me as well as something that a self, a false self concluded about oneself, judging itself based on its perception! It is like an urban myth everybody believes unconditionally and nobody knows why or where it came from or if it is true at all. The belief was deeply rooted and although it looked, tasted, smelled so real there was no evidence, nothing that supported that "terrible truth" about me. So I stayed with it and let the violet fire burn the cause, the core, the record and the memory of it until Truth takes root in me, in my psyche. With that I fell asleep...

Early morning I woke up with realizations after realizations flooding my consciousness. I realized that with my new blog "13 Moon Alchemy" I have been collecting little drops, droplets of the Infinite Ocean of the Goddess, each post being a droplet. I realized I have been judging myself for so long for not being able to express, to be, to give the WHOLE OCEAN to the world and I was judging the droplets I could gather and be and express as too insignificant, NOT GOOD ENOUGH, completely giving up creative expression! If I cannot express ALL of it, BE all of it, what's the use to be a tiny facet of it, I rather be nothing, do nothing! Wow, that is such a deep wounding and such a BIG lie as well! I was judging and blaming the drop of the ocean for not being the whole ocean, I was judging myself for not being the INFINITE DIVINE expressing itself as such! But I was! I always have been, I AM and will always be the whole ocean expressing itself in a single droplet...ever changing...ever growing... How silly I was and how blind! So much suffering based on a perceptional judgment, also called emotion! Oh Goddess! All the unquestioned little "truths" in our beings we hold on to so religiously! How much we suffer from our own judgments based on our perception or rather misperception or from other people's judgments of us they made based on their misperceptions that we take in and embody!

Now I don't judge the droplet that I AM. I delight in being a droplet and expressing as droplet of the Infinite Ocean of the Divine! I know that in each droplet the Whole Infinite, ever growing Ocean is contained. I don't long for the whole ocean and don't have the eyes to see the droplet like I used to. A droplet is the whole Ocean to me expressing itself in a single point, just like me! I have been judging myself as not being good enough, as too small and insignificant when I looked at Divinity and saw all the Beauty of the Divine! Being a tiny facet of it was never enough, I wanted it ALL! Just like a liver cells looks at the whole body and judges itself for being a liver cell and not the whole body. The Divinity, the Creation is SO infinitely Beautiful, beyond Beautiful! I was looking at me, a tiny facet of it, understanding, seeing itself separate from it, comparing itself to the Whole and I was feeling so insignificant, so unworthy, so like nothing! I didn't know that I AM IT, I AM IT ALL! A tiny facet of the Whole was never enough for me, I always, always wanted the Whole otherwise what was the point! I didn't know that a tiny facet was the Whole expressing itself through what I call "me". Is there ever a me? 

My prayer is that the posts of my new blog are like those little drops of the Infinite Ocean for the people who read them and engage with them...that each drop opens them to the Infinite Ocean of Divinity within them, the Infinite Divine Feminine they truly BE! 

So be it! 

How is it to live as an Incarnated Angel, Angelic Human or Human Angel on planet Earth in this parallel? 

Well, it is a challenge to be fully incarnated in the body, and bring all my energy of my Angelic Self into the physical form is a challenge since I don't have much Earth experience. The Earth is quite a dense place to be, yet I am doing my best to fully come down and expand and feel comfortable with it. It is getting better and better.

My angel Self is busy singing with other angels....this singing uplifts, shifts and heals...It is a highly co-creative act. We use our voices to co-create. We are in total surrender to the higher angelic realms and to the Divine Creator. There is a GREAT sense of Service in us that IS US! We are individuated consciousness, each of us yet we understand all of us to be ONE! We communicate telepathically, through simple knowing and there is not really a need to talk, we receive our impulses by the Creator who we praise constantly. We imbue Beauty, Serenity, Love, Joy, Purity, Innocence and we uplift everything and every Being we encounter. 

My favorite place to be in the realms I exist is an energetic place of purple light. It could be compared to a temple in the earthly realms. We go through the purple light into the Black Void where we merge with the Essence of the Creator. It regenerates us, it nourishes us and it can be compared to a battery that gets charged fully in earthly realms. It renews us, it fills us up with Ecstasy, Delight, it fuels us and sustains us. It is our Divine food. 

To us there is no separation in Creation and everything created by the Divine Creator is Sacred. We delight in connecting...unifying....weaving together....beings to each other as well as beings to the Creator. We carry the vibration of never been separate from Source. We are Divine Innocence which can never be taken away from any Being.

We live in constant conscious connection to the Divine and to each other. We sing in most Beautiful tones that are inspired by the Divine. The flame of service burns in our hearts powerfully and we know only passionate Service to the Divine. We don't have personal will and from our perspective it only exists in the 3D mind of humans. All creation is in Service to the Creator, because the creation IS the Creator. 

My Spirit, my Angelic Self is very passionate about embodying in the physical fully, as an embodied angel, bringing all those qualities into the physical, into the human body and into human being and merging with that. This has a specific purpose: We lay the genetic and energetic pathways, the energetic structure if you will for the human physical body to link to angelic realms. In the end all creation will be ONE also in the world of form and beyond. We are simply creating the genetic pathways, leaving energetic footprints, if you will, to merge the angelic and the human realms in form. The same is done by E.T. who activate the extra terrestrial codes in the DNA of the human form when they incarnate by birth or by walking into a physical form. We are bringing in the cosmic lineages into the human physical form. The destiny of the physical bodies is to ascend to and beyond what we call 5th dimension. The human DNA carries the whole cosmos in itself, needless to say most of it is dormant and some of it is beginning to activate. With our coming into physical form we fully activate the angelic codes in the physical body we are in. This has effects on the whole creation. Nothing is really separate from anything even if it seems to be separated by time and space which are only realities in the lower density realms. 

We came here to this planet in these times because we were called by the Divine Creator. How can we say no to the Beloved? We came to be in full service to the evolution of the human species and to the planetary evolution by adding our essence, our Light and our vibration to it. In a way we are marrying our essence with the human essence, merging, blending, activating, just as our star brothers and sisters are doing. We all work together in perfect harmony and in devotion to the Creator which we consciously Know ourselves to be a part of. 

Human form has been created to be in its Full Glory one day in Cosmic Time! It has been made to embody the Creator fully one Cosmic Day! We never see it as inferior or less than, humans do see themselves that way. We hold the human form and humans in high esteem since we see them as who they are and who they are evolving into. We cannot wait to experience those forms that will hold all dimensions, all Creation in itself, Goddess/God incarnate truly. We cannot wait to experience the evolution of physical form and humanity! We are delighted and deeply honored to be a part of this Grand Show! 

Blessed Be!

Walking Through The Intensity

The intensity continues! I am tingling all over and finding it hard to stay in the body.

A lot of horizontal stuff, self-doubt, self-deprecation came up lately to be looked at and to be let go. Also a lot of doubt of what the heck I am doing here and what am I supposed to do other than sitting around. Where is more joy on this planet? Where to go? What to do? I seem not to receive a lot of concrete responses to those questions from my Higher Intelligence. Yet my prayer/request to my Higher Levels is always: "Show me what I want! Tell me what YOU want and I will do it! I Love You so much, I adore YOU! I AM YOU! Show me! Steer me, journey me, guide me! Make me an instrument! Use me in tangible ways!" So, I continue with my day and follow the Joy.

What would it be really joyful to do now?

It comes to me to be in other places, to travel. It seems I easily fall into a routine when I am home in Vienna. It seems a lot opens up for me when I am travelling. YET...I cannot and don't desire to travel for travel's sake! I wish my Spirit to guide my hand, my mind when I take an action! So, Canada, especially Niagara Falls keep coming up! I will check out that possibility as to where to go and when....Right now that is all what came up. The clean energy of the Niagara Falls is calling me. I will need to see, Know if I am being called there physically or energetically which I do not seem to get clearly oftentimes. What would be so much fun to do right now? Next? Spirit, USE ME! Use my mind to steer me, implant ideas into my head....HOW BEST CAN I ASSIST? HOW BEST CAN I SERVE? Doing what? Where? With whom? When? YOU tell me, Spirit, let me Know beyond the shadow of any doubt, let me Know what I Know! 

I am giving myself more and more to my Higher Levels, merging more and more with them. What a relief! What excitement! Bringing in more and more of my multi-dimensional Self, more and more Divinity to be embodied in this physical structure while evolving the it. While letting the whole world be what it wants to be, not being concerned or even distracted by the outside world, by appearances of the small story, of the old dying world, while keeping FAITH that the NEW is HERE, we just need to own it, to claim it, to take a stand for it. 

Asking my Spirit to write me out from all small stories I have been written into, like with G! Taking all the distortional energies back and giving the others their projections, assumptions back. It feels liberating and expanding. 

Knowing that there is SO MUCH MORE possible, that there is SO MUCH more for me personally and also for the collective. There is so much more Light-beingness, space and expansion, so much more Joy and fulfillment possible....yet we are not there yet...Yet being at peace with it and not judging myself or others for not being there yet. That is a challenge. It is a challenge to judge the state, the stage I am in and the humanity and the planet is in....and be at peace with it without judging it. It is the mind that is judging it...The trick might be not to be identified with the so called lower levels of consciousness, letting go of the idea that there is somewhere to go, something to reach....We are our Higher Levels, we are our Higher Self, and Heaven on Earth is already there. We don't need to get there, we just need to claim it, to transfer our consciousness in the lower realms fully to the higher realms, from one paradigm to the other. It is happening within us...so it is happening around us...As always we are the doers.....

Physical movement, like Yoga seem to bring in fluidity into my physical body as well as into my system, I love it. 

As always, all is well! Everything and everybody is exactly as they are meant to be.